I get all these wonderful inspiring bits and pieces in my inbox daily. This particular one hit me in the face however. It started:

“If you're still making the same mistakes at 50 that you were at 20, you need to ask for wisdom.”

How timely given that this is my jubilee year!

The article went on to suggest these guiding principals for successful living.

(1) Never make permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances. If you do, you'll regret it.

(2) Don't let your emotions blind you reasoning. Weigh things carefully and base your decisions on mature judgment.

(3) Surround yourself with sharp people and draw on their gifts, without being intimidated by their expertise.

(4) Take the time to consider all options. What looks good to you today may not look so good tomorrow.

(5) You can't fight successfully on every front, so choose your battles carefully. Simply stated: some things are not worth fighting for.

(6) Take time to get all the facts; conjecture leads to crisis.

(7) Consider the consequences of each action. Ask yourself, "Am I ready to handle this right now?"

(8) Make sure your expectations don't exceed your potential and your resources. Be realistic.

9) Time is your most limited and valuable resource. Don't waste it.

What do you reckon girls??

Subscribe to www.womenz.co.nz  for uplifting and encouraging articles for women.

As a new year begins we all have great intentions but rarely do we act on the things we want to do differently. Usually because we lack either self discipline or motivation.

One thing we can agree on is that change is usually required for growth to occur. Whether from a business or personal persepctive- this is an inevitable fact.

Change for good or bad is simply based on your decisions. Change can only take place if.

1. You decide! Do you want it? What form will that change take? What is it you are wanting to achieve? In what time frame?

2. Acknowledge that you alone are responsible for those decisions. Right or wrong - we reap the results. If you are not happy with the current situation - you alone are responsible for being in it! You alone are responsible for getting out of it.

3. Change the way you think. You can't change without a paradigm shift in your thought process's. What you think determines the way you feel and act so don't miss this crucial step.

4. Most of us want overnight change. Be kind to yourself. The most sustainable change is that which takes place slowly and deliberately. There are usually no quick fixes or solutions. OUr mothers all told us that anything worthwhile is worth waiting for.

5. Understand that motivation is is a motive for action. Without one ( A reason/a benefit from taking that action) it is hard to stay on track.

6. Enlist a group of cheerleaders who buy into your plans and decisions for change and help you along.

Good luck with your plans for 2009!

www.womenz.co.nz is all about encouraging and uplifting women

Learn to Pause

Quote for the week: “Learn to pause or nothing else worthwhile will ever catch you up.”  

I have no idea who said it, but a couple of years ago I heard it for the first time. Read it again. It is such a true statement. 

When we are overtired and over-stressed our brain function becomes inefficient; our outlook bleak; our perspectives warped and we lose our sense of humour.

There is a much quoted statistic that children smile 400 times a day compared to adults at 17 times a day. Children were also found to laugh 150 times a day compared to adults at 6 times a day. What happened to us between then and now? When was the last time you watched a children’s movie or laughed out loud til your eyes leaked?  

"The most wasted of days is one without laughter." – E E Cummings

It’s easy to lose our sense of humour in the midst of overwork and overtiredness. Whilst we race through life it flies—and then it seems in a fleeting moment we have reached our twilight years.

Born before the telephone or the Eiffel Tower, Jeanne Calmont died at 122 after outliving 27 French presidents, and entered the Guinness Book of World Records as the world's oldest woman. Asked the secret of her longevity she replied, "Laughter!" Medical science proves that laughter strengthens your immune system, lowers your blood pressure and counteracts the inertia caused by depression.

It has taken me til I am 50 years old to learn as an adult to stop and smell the roses. I used to feel guilty taking time out and I didn’t value time like I do now. I have found as I have learned to pause—my laughter levels have increased. Interesting how the two are linked.

These statements prompt us to ponder the value of time:

To realise the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a
premature baby;

To realise the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper;

To realise the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet;

To realise the value of ONE MINUTE, ask the person who missed the train;

To realise the value of ONE SECOND, ask the person who just avoided an

accident;

To realise the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver
medal in the Olympics.

Take 20 mins a day to just pause. Let those great ideas come through. Give yourself back your dream time … your creative time. Give yourself permission to simply close your eyes and rest your brain.

You’ll find your sense of humour returns when you do!

SILENT HEROINES

In recent weeks I have been involved in assisting a young international student in major strife. During my contact with various agencies, organisations and refuges, I have discovered a myriad of overworked and ridiculously underpaid or un-paid women. These Women do what they do - not just because it’s a job or because they have some well defined need to contribute to society - but because they genuinely care for women.

They generate positive change in women’s lives and often have to do battle with bureaucracy to get things done. They are making moral, ethical, and intuitive decisions on a daily basis. The emotional toll of coping with daily despair is draining to say the least. Without the support of their partners, children, friends and families – these angels in our society simply couldn’t continue.

The social workers I spoke to tell me they have had to learn to switch off when they go home. They also watch out for each other and support each other – covering each others backs. I was shocked to hear how many days and hours they are working each week without overtime remuneration. They simply have no choice. There isn’t enough of them to go around! The ‘need’ is growing, but the amount of funded workers is actually decreasing.

The volunteers in organizations such as women’s refuges and women’s support groups dedicate huge portions of their personal spare time to help other women in need. They are truly committed to making a positive difference in women’s lives.

I am in awe of these women…. They are the silent heroines of our society. Unknown to us – undervalued – understaffed – under paid - but they are literally saving lives. Preventing suicides; rescuing women from serious abuse; repairing mental health; restoring relationships and much more.

This last month has been a reminder that unless we are placed in a situation of need or of helping someone who is in need – we simply have no idea what’s going on ‘out there’!

I know I don’t have the emotional capacity to work in a refuge or as a social worker. Coping daily with the depth of other women’s pain, and supporting them through it,  takes internal fortitude and unusual strength of character. Most of us can barely cope with out own traumas!

What we all can do however, is be aware of these amazing women in our society. Honour them at every opportunity. Value them.  Support them in everyway possible. Support the voluntary organisations they are involved with. We can lobby Government to make sure our paid social workers are rewarded in proportion to their contribution to society. www.womenz.co.nz is committed to ensuring we stay informed and become proactive in supporting the silent heroines of our society. 

What do you think?

Paid Parental Leave – is that it?

( These comments are Katrina's personal reflections only and are designed to invoke interest,consideration, reflection, discussion and response.)

You may be shocked to know that tax payers are currently funding around 93 million dollars of paid parental leave each year. If the Families Commission has their way that figure could increase to between 300 and 450 million by the year 2015! That is without inflation adjustment. This is an enormous increase and could potentially be realised within seven years! Over 100,000 parents have now signed up for paid parental leave since it was first introduced in 2002.

This proposal for change still only takes into account year one of a child’s life. What then? Racked with guilt, devoid of extended family support, and financially depleted because of burgeoning child care costs, parents then put these babies into preschool centres. The challenges of leading a dual life continue for most mothers, particularly those living in cities where two incomes is more often than not non-negotiable.

Child care costs are currently subsidised by the Government. I have no idea exactly how much per annum, but add that to the 300–450 million dollars and you have a great whack of money that would go a long way to providing a broader range of options and choice for parents.

The Families Commission has recently produced a summary of its current recommendations which you may find interesting reading.

I won’t cover this entire document but the recommendations include:

1.      1. Fourteen weeks paid leave at 80% level (currently 14 weeks at 46% *)

2.      2. A further 12 weeks paid leave at 65% level*

3.      3. 12 Weeks unpaid entitlement with job protection ( increasing to 25 and then 38 weeks by 2015)

4.       4. Four weeks paid leave (80% of average earnings*) for partners that can be taken at the time of the birth or at the end of the parental leave period (currently up to 2 weeks un-paid).

 * Payments are based on 100% of personal gross earnings capped at either 65% or 80% of the NZ average earnings.

MY  COMMENTS

I applaud any increase in paid paternal leave as the current level does little to relieve the financial stress of losing one income into a household.

The general idea is to increase the paid leave for one parent: increased the length of time of job protection; decrease the criteria for minimum hours or time of employment prior to claiming parental leave. I just think we should be looking at other solutions and spreading the spend to allow more choice.

I believe that:

1.      Even with the payments increased … the financial stress will remain.

2.      I remain unconvinced that men (assuming that the partner allowance would be claimed predominantly by men) for the first time history require four full time weeks to bond with their children and that this will have any impact whatsoever on the outcome of the child’s wellbeing. Lovely idea - but far better to have those resources contribute to other schemes that will assist one parent to be available to their children at all times outside of school. 

 f    These proposed changes will have a significant impact on productivity in a country dominated by small enterprise. A company might manage without their worker for two weeks without bringing in a temp—but four weeks is another story. In some industries it can take four weeks just to train a replacement so it would not be plausible to hire temporary help.

3.      How many couples/families could afford for both parents to be on a reduced income for four weeks at the same time? I would expect the majority of couples would be too financially stressed to take advantage of this particular option anyway. I can see the benefit of perhaps Dad taking his four weeks paid leave at the end of Mum’s entitlement to give the baby an extra four weeks of one on one.  

4.      Apparently 2/3’s of those taking parental leave go back to the same employer. However some companies struggle with less than satisfactory temps or a multitude of contracted staff only to find that at the end of the current 26 week parental leave period, the parent does not return. I believe an extension of the unpaid period of job protection from 12 weeks to 38 week is unreasonable for employers.

It    It is estimated that round 35% of workplaces already have their own parental leave schemes in place. These include ongoing support of the parent in work-life balance arrangements, ongoing training, and working from home. All admirable options. It is cheaper to retain those people than lose touch, risk that person not returning and having to train someone else.

T   There is no doubt that parents, babies and pre-school siblings benefit from one parent being home full time. I have no argument with that. In an ideal world all children would have at least one parent home full time with them until they are five years old. In an ideal world, staff would be trusted with flexible work hours and work venues so children are never left alone at home and without the care of one parent. 

However this isn’t an ideal world. Women have multiple needs. They may be single parenting; require two incomes to live above the bread line; have children at varying ages; are in jobs with no flexibility; have non supportive partners; or simply don’t want to take a break in their career or jeopardise their positions within a company.

Putting up to $450 million into one choice—is no choice at all for parents, and in my opinion, applies blinkers to greater needs than simply the first year of a child’s life.

What would real choice look like if child care subsidies and parental leave funding were collectively utilised to fund a range of options? If we really want effective choices for parents that impact the first 5 years of a child’s life, then employers need education and assistance to remove the fear factor of options that might include the following:

A

1.      Government funded or subsidised onsite baby crèche and child care facilities. If women are in the same building as their children they can still breast feed, visit their children at breaks etc. Contrary to belief, women would not be distracted if their children were on site. They would be more relaxed and not racked with guilt that their children were in public facilities elsewhere (from 7am to 5.30 pm in some instances).

B 

2.      More work from home alternatives 

M   C

      More flexible hour options so that one parent can be home after school and be at special school outings.

4.     D

Jo Job sharing alternatives

      I would appreciate a broader range of options, costings on the alternatives, more effective research to see what parents actually want.

Strong families build strong communities. Today there are more and more obstacles to ideal parent based care for preschoolers. Guilt, and stress for working mothers is a huge issue.

What do you think? What would you prefer? What worked for you or what would work for you? Where would you like to see $450 million go? To support the first year, or the first five years of a child’s life?

www.womenz.co.nz is going to monitor where this is going.

Some time ago I watched a documentary on Television about the hooligan and crime issues on some of London’s estates.

In once instance – the sheer force of personality of one woman galvanized a community to collective responsibility. With joint commitment and a plan they lobbied their council and police and worked together supporting one another to ensure the hooligans in the area new that enough was enough!  Obviously these things don’t happen over night but it was classic example of how communities SHOULD work.

Conversely we viewed another community where rather than help a man who was being murdered right outside his home…the neighbours were seen by the victim’s daughter watching the action from behind the safety of their curtains.  Many interviewed by the journalist on this particular estate said it wasn’t safe to offer assistance. ‘Common sense” demanded they stay in doors and keep safe – even when they new an immediate neighbour was being victimized. Whatever happened to lending your mate a hand? We never know when we are going to need a hand ourselves.

When we abdicate community responsibility we increase the potential to become victims ourselves and open the door to social unrest and disconnection.

Social spending has increased over the years but it certainly hasn’t contributed to social progress. Why? Because ultimately social progress comes about from community responsibility and commitment. Something sadly lacking - particularly in our cities.

Yesterday I read about a 20 page report published recently summarizing New Zealand’s performance over the last 6 years across a range of topics that would measure our society’s social health. Look at this list: Rising referrals to CYFS, more children in CYFS care, rising youth offending, increasing teenage pregnancy, increasing abortions, insufficient childhood education facilities in poor urban areas, increase in serious crime, increase in alcohol consumption, and increase in single parenting.

I have always argued that the health and well being of a society’s families - determine the future of our country.

Collective community responsibility and action assures all those driving the wheel of our nation are held accountable. Social spending without social action is not effective in the long term.

Women have so much power to change the health of a nation's society. Be a catalyst for change in your neighbourhood; in your community; in your nation; in your family. We are the nations nurturers. Don't just leave it up to the men girls!

Katrina X

Four perspectives on Motherhood whether you are a biological mother or not we can all be mothers to others!

1. It’s a joint effort.

Over lunch on Sunday my daughter expressed what all mothers like to hear. “You deserve it mum – you did a great job – look at us all now!” In an instant I realized and responded that they had actually done a great job themselves. I am so proud of them because of who they are – not what I have done.

A mother’s role is to build deep, wide, strong root systems in their children’s lives so they grow and flourish. In the end it is their own choices that develop them into contributing, confident and well rounded members of society. There comes a point where they have to make their own decisions. We can’t control those choices. No mother is perfect. We can only hope to instill into their lives as much wisdom and teaching as we possibly can - in the short time we have them.

2. Support - don’t judge.

No Mother wants her children to make wrong choices. Yet we are so quick to judge women whose children have fallen by the way. A paraphrase of an old saying is “Don’t judge a woman until you have walked a mile in her shoes”

Let’s uphold, encourage and support one another through the rollercoaster of parenting. Some of us are fortunate with adult children having come out the other end ‘intact’. Others need our empathy and support – not our judgment - as they cope with errant teenagers, less than satisfactory home lives, domestic abuse, and the challenges of low incomes.

A close family friend of ours had six children. She and her husband are phenomenally good parents. However one son is currently serving life for murder. Does that make her a bad mother? No! She has constantly impressed me with her strength and determination as she has continued to love and mother that son (despite his bad choices) - whilst enjoying the wealth of positive family life her other adult children and now grandchildren have bought her.

3. It never ends

A wise older woman (whose son was 52 at the time) said to me once “It doesn’t matter how old you get you never stop being a mother.” This is so true. We still worry. We still wonder. We still want to be involved; to protect; to nurture; to rescue. Our ultimate calling is to love them un-conditionally through their ups and downs; their right and wrong choices. That’s’ what we look to our own mothers for.

Last night I paused to also remember ‘the other mothers’ in the lives of my four adult children. The women who have also nurtured and guided them. Thos other woman who have also held their hands and cried with them offering advice. How grateful I am to them. They stand in the gap when we are not there or when we are simply ‘too close’ for them to approach. Over the last few years as one son and daughter have lived overseas I have been so relieved knowing other parents have presented themselves and committed to supporting them. I am grateful to the older women in my other children’s lives. Not competing - but complimenting

4. The other mothers

One dictionary definition of Mother is “to care for”. I have many friends who have not birthed children but are Mothers to many.

I am so grateful for the ‘other mothers’ who have supported my children over the years and continue to positively impact their lives for good. Not competing – but complimenting. We can forget how valuable the wider community of women is in nurturing the next generation.

No matter what our personal circumstances, we can stand in the gap for all the young men and women in our lives. Young people are looking for mothers – not mentors. Let’s not limit the role to a biological one.

As middle aged woman I have always had mothers around me and continue to look to older women for their wisdom and care. They help complete me. They assure me I am on the right track and lovingly admonish me when I am not.

www.womenz.co.nz is a perfect place for women to be nourished,informed and uplifted in their many varied roles as women.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

These are principles taken from a wonderful book called ‘The Go-Giver’ by Bob Burg and John David Mann. Do you believe the secret to success is giving? These gentlemen do and if you do too...get a copy of this book for yourself and be encouraged!

1.    The law of value

Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

- add value to what you are doing

2. The law of compensation

Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

- how can you touch/reach more people than are in front of you by what you do.

3. The law of influence

Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

- put others first

4. The law of authenticity

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

- be yourself.

5. The law of receptivity

The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

- stay open to receiving.

Far too often we are completely unaware of changes in social policy, statute law and regulatory issues that affect women. We may even choose to remain blissfully un-encumbered by these matters. It stuns me how little information is released outside of political circles and when it is―it is through narrow avenues with limited reach to women. Worse―it is reported after the event!

Women need to be informed and aware - we play an integral part in our society. The calibre of young person we are raising in society is hugely impacted by the training provided by mothers! The compassion and passion of women drives over 172 charitable institutions. Women can make a difference in our society. We do make a difference. We can determine where we set society's community and social standards.

Are we apathetic or are we just unaware?

NZ women were the first in a self-governing country to win the right to vote for all women (1893). Have you ever thought about the backbone those women had to take on the establishment and forge through that change? We led the world! Women!

Look at the time line of significant events for NZ women http://www.ncwnz.co.nz/timeline.htm

When we willingly relinquish our democratic responsibility, then we disrespect the pioneering women whose determined actions have positively affected all our lives.

www.womenz.co.nz have introduced a new topic to their web site for women over 35. "Politics and women" They alsoprovide a safe online "Chatterspace" for you to have your say - to collectively and positively impact the direction of our society.

Keep informed of women’s issues. Health, education and community standards measure the health of our nation. We are responsible for that. How will you respond? What commitment will you make to become informed and aware?